Lyrics

Demo (solo)

Hibernating

I am hibernating – it’s the most peculiar thing
Winter has been chafing at my hands and feet and skin
I must have drifted off somewhere back in early fall
Since then I cannot remember anything at all
I am not a bear, curled up cozy in a cave
I still go to work – I have to wake up every day
But even though I’m out of bed, I’m still fast asleep
That’s the greatest and the worst part of hibernating

Bastard Theme

By the time you get this message, I’ll have packed my things and left.
I am leaving you the TV and my forwarding address.
Please don’t try to follow me, baby please.
We’ve been fighting this for years and it’s time we admit defeat.

When we met we were just children. We were wild young free.
I was so naïve, I thought that we would always be.
But everything will change in time – even me.
I am changing, I am changing, I am changing, I am… finally.

Chorus:
Didn’t I keep you awake, baby, didn’t I?
Didn’t I always look out for you?
Didn’t I show you your name in the city lights?
Didn’t I do all that I could do
To love you?

And it doesn’t really matter how in love two people are.
If you can’t make things better when they start to fall apart,
Then you’re better off just getting out while you still can.
And I swear to god I’ve tried but it’s gone and it won’t come back.

(Chorus)

And when you wake up, I’ll be gone.
Yes when you wake up, I’ll be gone.
Oh when you wake up, I’ll be gone.
I’ll be gone.

I know you’ll be disappointed that things ended up this way.
You’ll call me a coward and your family will agree.
But sometimes the only way around a thing is through.
So let’s not mince any words, it’s gonna hurt, but I am through with you.

(Chorus)

The Doom Song

We’re in the belly of the beast.
We’re in the belly of the beast.
Call us a doctor when we need a priest.
We’re in the belly of the beast.

It’s getting tighter every turn.
It’s getting tighter every turn.
We’re circling in on the things we don’t learn.
It’s getting tighter every turn.

And when the curtains fall away.
Yeah, when the curtains fall away,
We’ll be amazed at the mess that we made.
Oh, when the curtains fall away.

And when the end is finally here.
Oh, when the end is finally here,
We will be standing there, slack-jawed in fear
Because the end is finally here.

The scientists are on their knees.
They’ve got no tricks left up their sleeves,
And the driver’s asleep when he says that

Chorus:
Everything is, everything is everything is so wonderful.

We’re on this tiny little ship.
We’re on this tiny little ship.
The universe is unfathomably big
And we’re on this tiny little ship.

And it’s getting crowded in the hold.
It’s getting crowded in the hold.
There’s no air to breath and there’s nowhere to go.
It’s getting crowded in the hold.

Even on the captain’s deck.
Even on the captain’s deck,
The rich folks are starting to notice the stench
Way up on the captain’s deck.

The boiler room is belching smoke.
The boiler room is belching smoke.
The engine’s on fire and they’re still shoveling coal.
The boiler room is belching smoke.

The captain shouts, “Full speed ahead!”
Then bidding goodnight to his guests,
Returns to his bed, where he thinks that

(Chorus)

The passengers are on their knees.
They’re looking up for some relief,
But the driver’s asleep when he says that…

Let’s Be Pirates!

Shave and get dressed and hope you’re not late.
Spend half the day with people you hate.
Instead of staying in bed with the one that you love,
You’re stuck at a job doing the bidding of
A boss who does not know your name but can fire at will.

Saving up money, paying the bills.
If debt doesn’t kill you, the intereste rate will.
I dream all day of an easier life
With the wind in my hair and the sun in my eyes,
Waking up late with my feet in the sand and my hand in yours
On some southern French shore
Where we’ve pulled into port
So the captain can rest
While he charts a new course.

Let’s be pirates!
Let’s be outlaws!
I’m so tired of these undead-end day jobs.
Let’s get married
Or just not bother.
If our friends can’t then we shouldn’t either.
We could head out
For adventure,
Quit our jobs and go sailing forever.
I’ll be Blackbeard,
You be Bonnie and we’ll both be pirates.

Maybe there’s treasure we’ll never find.
Chasing a spectre the rest of our lives.
We’ll go sailing away on a Portugese ship.
You look so good with a sword on your hip.
Singing and dancing, a bottle of rum in the young moonlight.
So put your hand in mine
We can start a new life.
The crew is assembled.
They’re leaving tonight.

And if they capture us,
What’s the worst they can possibly do?
They can torture us
Or leave us in jail.
But is that really worse
Than the life that we’re working on now?
Spending four decades trying to make
Enough money to just get away -
That’s the life that they’re selling but baby we don’t have to buy it.

Wicked

There are women who will bury you alive
When they tuck you in at night.
And there are women who will eat your heart for lunch,
Then laugh and call it all in fun.
And there are women who burn with such desire
They light up all that they touch, til their whole world is on fire.
And in the morning, when it’s all just ask and smoke,
Their fingers are aflame, but their insides are still cold.

And there are men who think that they own everything.
They think they can own your heart because they handed you a ring.
And there are men who want more love than they are due.
So as soon as they get yours, they’re back out on the pursuit.
And there are people all over this land
Who will lie and cheat and steal your love and hurt you, just to hurt you, ’cause they can.

And what kind of fool am I, that when I want to write
A song about how great I think you are,
The closest I can get is to talk all of this shit
About all the wicked people that you aren’t.

On Very Nearly Turning Thirty

Here comes thirty like a killer in my yard.
Makes me worry when I’m alone.
It’s like maybe when there’s only one way out
It’d be better not to know.

How typical of me to be thinking about those last few pointless seconds
Instead of the decades that I get to witness.
But how do you get into a story when you already know the ending?
So I close my eyes and I try to forget it.

Here comes thirty and I’m still playing in a band
That you haven’t heard of and your friends don’t know.
Does that make me a dedicated musician?
Or does it make me a little slow?

Maybe I ought to give up and become another nine to fiver.
Start up a family and try to accept it.
But all my friends are buckling down and each year their belts are getting tighter.
That’s a joke and I hope that you get it.

Here comes thirty and our barbed wire tattoos
Are turning into white picket fence.
I’m never sure if we’re getting closer to our goals
Or merely getting closer to the end.

Everybody’s rushing around like they think the universe is closing.
It’s a nice place to live but you don’t want to visit.
You can run as fast as you want and someday your life will still be over.
If that’s the point then I hope that we get it soon.

I hope we get it.

My Turn

I walk around with my head in the clouds like I’m happy.
It’s hard for me to believe that we’ve broken up.
I spent forever trying to get you to love me.
And now that you’ve left me I figure that that’s close enough.

Chorus:
When people ask how I’m doing
I do a little dance around the house
With my eyes closed and my arms out.
I spent so long being nice
Quiet and polite, and now you’re gone
And it’s my turn to be loud.

Sacrifice is a word that I’d gotten used to
In my life, without ever once thinking it’s wrong.
I got by on the crumbs that you dropped when you were through.
But I’m done with your crumbs. From now on I get what I want.

(Chorus)

It does not make me happy
To see you so unhappy
With how everything worked out.
But I feel so much better.
I float through stormy weather.
I float just like a feather
From a bird who has flown and is not coming back again.

I hope that you can find happiness somewhere without me.
I hope there’s someone to help you work your issues out.
I hope that someday you write some more mean songs about me.
We’ll trade heartache for heartache like back when we were going out.

(Chorus)

Charles Grodin, You’re My Hero

So you’re up on the stage in an off-Broadway theater,
Auditioning for a play.
And the casting director is asking you to begin.
There’s a shuffle of papers and somebody coughs
As is they were as nervous as you.
And you squint into the spotlight your standing in.

You’ve been reading the lines, memorizing the pauses,
Trying to live the part.
You don’t care if it hurts as long as the scene feels right.
It begins with a whisper and ends with a shout,
And you don’t stumble anywhere.
But there are no applause or curtain calls tonight.
You step off to the left and wait for them to decide.

And they say, “Thanks, but no thanks Mr. Grodin.”
You walk off stage with your head down and your heart broken.
But if you really love to act,
It doesn’t matter if it loves you back, Mr. Grodin.

So you move to L.A., where the movies are made,
Thinking the time is right
For a middle-aged Jew to be Hollywood’s new leading man.
You apply to the agencies looking for placement
In anything that they have.
All you want is to act and you’ll act anywhere you can.

Then the offers start coming. Agents talking money.
An Oscar can’t be far behind.
All the papers are singing your praises and it’s about time.
But good fortune is fickle and quickly erased
By the next fresh young face in the crowd.
And then he gets the girl in the end in the scene of your dreams.
You go back to being a star that nobody’s seen.

And they say, “That’s how it goes, Mr. Grodin.
There’ll be more parts to play and more plays to take part in.”
‘Cause if you really love to act,
It doesn’t matter if it loves you back, Mr. Grodin.

Now I wrote this song for my friends in the theater
Who won’t ever make a dime
For the time that we spend trying to make a living in art.
And though some will stop trying, yeah some will give up,
There are those who will persevere,
Saying, “Here have our wallets. We’d much rather fill our hearts.
Yeah, we’ve all got a job to do, thank God this one’s ours.
And maybe there’s more to success than just how successful you are.”

And we’ll say, “Thanks for your faith, Mr. Grodin.”
When things got hard, you got harder and you kept going.
Because if you really love to act – that’s all that matters.
Yeah if you really love to act – that’s all that matters.
Yeah, if you love the things you do,
Who really cares what they think of you, Mr. Grodin.

Self-Titled

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I know you’ve been there / moments of terror and crazy thoughts / when all you want is sleep
You try to shake them / with twenty pages of words that don’t / say half of what you mean
They’re selling everything I love / they’re selling everything I love

Sometimes, I don’t know,
it’s like I get so
behind, I just go
“oh oh well…fuck it all.”
Days when my alarm
kicks in like a bomb
and I’m up in arms again.
Not again.

I know enough to / mimic the right moves, the wink and nod / the smile and dodge
It helps convince them / that these foundations of middle class privilege that I have been given are solid as buildings
I’m solid as buildings
And selling everything I love / I’m killing anything that moves

Sometimes, I don’t know,
it’s like I get so
behind, I just go
“oh oh well…fuck it all.”
Days when my alarm
kicks in like a bomb
and I’m up in arms again.
Not again.

Oh god / I’m not / prepared for this.

10 Simple Murders

My first murder was an accident I never meant to do
I had been going for his wallet, wound up taking his life too
I had him cornered in an alley with my gun against his face
I said, “Hand over your money and I’ll send you on your way”
But he just had to play the hero and refused to cooperate

The second time I killed a man, I did it for revenge
He had been flirting with my woman and I couldn’t let that stand
So when he got up to leave the bar, I followed him out back
I pinned him in between a brick wall and my stolen cadillac
I kept inching that car forward, ’til I heard his rib cage crack

Now three and four were easier but I’m really not sure why
I picked up a couple hitchhikers on route I-95
I don’t claim to understand it, but I think I lost my head
All that I remember is the way their clothes turned red
When I came back to my sense I had stabbed them both to death

By this time I had become accustomed to the kill
And I’m not proud about it but I kinda like the thrill
To feel the heartbeat in the cest, the terror in the eyes
The sorry choking noises as they beg you for their lives
Oh, strangulation music…that was number five

Six, I did for money, it was just another job
Seven, out of desperation I had to kill a cop
They caught up with me in Reno as I ran for the state line
The hostages I’d taken, number eight and number nine
Now they’ve got me surrounded but they won’t get me alive

So I’m holed up in this motel and I’m loading up my guns
Peering out the window, there’s a thousand cops out front
They circle me like vultures but I feel so far away
Everybody has to die. There is no escape
The only thing that changes is how long you have to wait
I’m not gonna spend my whole life behind metal bars
So get ready, I’m coming, let’s see who’s the fastest draw!

Never

Hey Carrie / do you miss me / Do you ever think of all the things we did
And when you get drunk / do you come home / and expect to find me sleeping in your bed
‘Cause I do all the time.
And when you meet guys / do you wonder why / they never really seem to make you laugh
Who’s gonna solve them / when you’ve got problems / when you lose your keys behind the couch again
I look for you all the time

I keep expecting a letter or something from you
Saying you’re sorry and that you’ll be coming home soon
I never find it but I’ll keep on looking
I hope you find everything that you’re seeking
I keep expecting a letter or something from you

And Carrie / can you hear me / I wrote it down so I would not forget
The words that you used / when you broke the news / so I can sing them whenever I start to miss you
I sing this one all the time

I keep on looking for you
Every car that looks like yours makes my heart stop
I can’t stop looking for you
I can’t stop thinking of you

I keep expecting the moon and the planets to burn
The sky to explode and the world to just freeze where it turns
But nothing changes the world keeps on spinning
The planets are fine and the moon is still grinning
Laughing at me and the wishes I wasted on you

I keep expecting my mind to just snap from its hold
My body to wither my heart to lie silent and cold
It never happens but I’ll keep on hoping
When I am gone you’ll be sorry I know it
I keep expecting a letter or something from you

Downpour

Cold rain shivers down my coat and into my unsuspecting pocket.
Someday we will all be fish and swim to the market.

You spit fire in the sky and act surprised when dark storm clouds gather.
Didn’t you think that she would react if you fire at her?

It’s not yours but you broke it.

Maybe someday when the walls come tumbling down
we will all be put to sea.
As the water crawls across your front lawn
I will laugh and feel no pity.

You can close your eyes and hold your breath and pray it doesn’t happen,
but it’s too late to turn back this chain reaction.

It’s not your but you broke it.

Maybe someday when the walls come tumbling down
we all be fast asleep.
As the water crawls across our front lawn
I will splash my fins and swim away.

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”
- George W. Bush

I Want You

On the off-chance that you hear this song, I’ll try and make it quick.
I know I ramble on and your attention’s limited.
So I’ll skip the metaphor and head right for the heart of it:
I want you. I want you.

Here’s a funny little story / that I’ve never shared with you
I used to lie awake in bed at night and wish that you would wake and find your way into my room
But when morning came to get me / with you still sleeping on my couch
I cursed my cowardice / and I wished that I could just / let you know how I really felt
But there’s something kinda shady / about hitting on a pretty girl
It seems like everyone these days is trying to sell you some dumb line you’ve probably already heard
So I’ve always played it quiet / and let things happen if they do
But I’m sick of waiting around / for you to figure out / that all I really want is you

It’s an advertising era / All high speed chase, no dialogue
You keep looking for connections but it seems that all you get are hit and run for office jobs
In an advertising era / You’re always looking for a sign
Someone to call your name / tell you they feel the same / Well if you’re listening this one’s mine

This is a new leaf / I’m saying clearly / I want you with me

I’m Still Waiting

I’ve got this great idea / let’s just get out of here / they’ll never even know we’re gone
Like when you crush an ant / into the cold pavement / the colony still soldiers on
And do you think that they’d miss one or two?
I know you’re wondering / how I am gonna live / when I’m no longer getting paid
I’m gonna play guitar / til I become a star / til I become a houshold name
And if I choke I guess the joke’s on me
But I’m still gone. This song is my two weeks

Let my body rise and tear through the staring crowd
Take my quick observations and my questions and my poor explanations
And wrap them into rhymes. Weave them around my mouth
Suffer me up into brilliance until no one doesn’t know my name

I’ve never been the type / to step into the light / without a push from someone else
But I’m sick of waiting / to bring you food and drinks / enjoy your meals and go to hell
And if you choke I guess the joke’s on you
I get it at last. All that I have to do is

It’s all over your face
My generation is easily replaced
Send us back if you don’t care for the taste
This waiter’s uniform would look good on anyone

Song for Catherine

The strip mall takes the land and leaves it bare
And all of the trees that were there
Get shipped off to factories where
They’re turned into paper or chairs

I sit here at my wooden desk
Making up nonsentences
Trying to do some justice
To the trees that have died in the path of my pen

But love songs aren’t easy to write
This one kept me up all night
So did you so I guess it’s alright
At least it seems fitting

I’ve been wishing on every star that I’ve seen since the day that we met
Maybe somewhere down the road
We can be three things: happy, together and old

I know that our chance are slim
Hearts are so easily broken
And it might be one in a million
But so are you

So I think that we should
Add up all of our failures
See if it’s an even number
If it is, then let’s just consider all those as practice
And make this the first

The seconds turn into hours
The hours will turn into years
And my heart just beats louder and louder
Each time that you kiss me

I’ve been wishing on every star that I’ve seen since the day that we met
Maybe somewhere down the road
We can be three things: happy, together and old

The water below us was dark / at the foot of the rock quarry wall
We were surrounded by stars / as we watched for the next one to fall
Then with a smile on your face / you caught me completely off guard
I felt my heart skip a beat / I was scared it might not beat at all
But as it turns out it was just switching from a march to a waltz

What You Don’t Know Might Kill Me

It’s kind of amazing the things that can change
From alone to in love in the course of a day
This makes me shake I hope I don’t break apart
I’m happy like this just watching your lips
You don’t say a thing but it’s so obvious
You’re just nervous that I’m gonna break your heart

But you don’t even know that I’ve been running
Completely unaware that I’m coming after you
And you can tell your friends that you feel nothing
Tell them that I feel it too

Communicating in words of mixed tape
I hope you get what I’m trying to say
My words in the shape of somebody else’s rhyme
But messages sent aren’t always received
The code is too hard or the signal gets weak
Mine’s easy it just says ‘I love you’ twenty times

But you don’t even know that I’ve been running
Completely unaware that I’m coming after you
And you can tell your friends that you feel nothing
Tell them that I do too

But you don’t even know that I’ve been running
Completely unaware that I’m coming after you
And you can tell yourself that you don’t feel a thing
But I know you don’t even know that I’ve been running
Completely unaware I’m coming after you
And you can tell yourself that you don’t feel a thing
But I know you do
‘Cause I’ve seen you move
Whenever I’m near you

Like a Staring Contest

I’ve been going through the records, we’re not getting any better.
Maybe I’m just getting bitter, I don’t really care whatever.
I’m so tired of open warfare, when the point of this was to be best of friends.
We’ve been going round in circles like a plane without an engine
As we spiral down the slipstream of our quickly sinking friendship.
It’s a trainwreck of an ending. It’s the same as if we’d never even met.
And now I’m going through the motions like a drunken ballerina
who is too tired to dance but keeps on getting up to see if
anybody stuck around to see a show that has been over now for days.
And I know that they’re gone but I keep checking anyway.

We’ve been standing here for hours on the edges of a canyon.
I’ve got my side you’ve got yours and we’re both about to fall in.
The pole we hold between us is the only thing that’s keeping us aloft.
And we’re standing in the hallway, both resolved to finally do this.
We each have our guns drawn but neither of us wants to shoot first.
We could stay like this forever. We could stay like this and never leave.
But there are standards I expect our breaking up to measure up to.
When you fall in love as hard and recklessly as you and I do,
It seems that the final act should have the same intensity as the first scene.
If I don’t lose a couple teeth then it just won’t feel real to me.

So we fall onto the floor, not really sure if this
Is breaking bones or making out, maybe a bit of both.
But I won’t look away first. And you won’t look away first.

“It’s a simple proposition,” said the rabbit to the badger,
“I am sure if we’re committed, we could dig our way to China.
Wouldn’t it be great to see The Wall and all those people standing on their heads?”
So they each picked up a shovel, throwing dirt over their shoulders
And with every shovelful, their little hole got a bit deeper
Til they had to climb down in it, just to reach the bottom layer.
They went on like this all night, scooping up and tossing out dirt.
In the morning they realized they weren’t getting any further.
The hole had grown so deep that the dirt they threw kept falling back on them.
Said the badger to rabbit, “I am sure if we continue
We will pull through this on top. Perseverance is a virtue.”
So they scooped it and they tossed while the dirt piled up around their legs.
And in a matter of hours they buried themselves in it.

And we fall onto the floor, not really sure if this
Is breaking bones or making out, maybe a bit of both.
But I won’t look away first. And you won’t look away first.

I’ve been going through the records, we’re not getting any better.
Maybe I’m just getting bitter, I don’t really care whatever.
I’m so tired of open warfare, when the point of this was to be best of friends.
We’ve been going round in circles like a plane without an engine
As we spiral down the slipstream of our quickly sinking friendship.
It’s a trainwreck of an ending. It’s the same as if we’d never even met.
But now I’m going through the motions like a dedicated doctor
Whose patient has been broken with no chance that he’ll recover.
I keep shocking at the body, just trying to make the heartbeat stay.
And I know that it’s gone but I keep trying anyway.

Yeah we fall onto the floor, not really sure if this
Is breaking bones or making out, maybe a bit of both.
But I won’t look away first. And you won’t look away first.
No I won’t look away first. And you won’t look away first.

C is for Heartache

Dear ex-beautiful / I’m writing you this note / just to let you know
Things are still going fine here at home
Keeping the plants watered / tucking in our daughter / every night
She looks more like you all the time
Oh, by the way your mom says hi

I got a job just paying off your debts / cleaning up your mess
All the bills you wrote out in bad checks
Raven and Dan got married / they say they are very / happy now
In their little white picket house
I hope that everything works out

It’s not like / I’ve been out / looking for anyone else
I want you / to come back now
I need you / to come back / and fix the home that you wrecked
I want you / to come back now

So ex-beatiful / I’m writing you this note / just to let you know
I am slowly dying without you
My muscles start to sieze and / I’m looking for a reason / you and me
We were the best I’ve ever seen
And now it’s all I can do to breathe
But I breathe

Visiting Hours

if you take / a photograph of me / leave it in the sun / let the edges buckle up
and then place / that picture on your desk / it would seem as if / i were reaching out of it

everyone / as they’re growing up / tends to drift apart / mark one up to entropy
so we try / try to stay in touch / but that’s not good enough / at least not for you and me

i’m tired of visiting / each town looks the same / except for whether you are there
so i try to pretend that when this visit ends i can just walk back home again
several city blocks away

ihatethisihatethisihatethis…..

so i’ll take / a photograph of you / put it in my car / tape it to my steering wheel
so that whenever i’m driving / i’ll be tempted to / keep going til i get to you

i’m tired of visiting / each town looks the same / except for whether you are there
so i try to pretend that when this visit ends i can just walk back home again
several city blocks away

Emily

Emily wakes to the sound of her neighbor’s alarm
It richochets off the empty walls of her rented room
The sun is a monster, dragging its tongue on her floor
Swallowing everything
‘Til there is nowhere left to move
Another day crowds into her room

Emily sits on the floor of her kitchen and stares
Out of the window at November’s red and dying leaves
The crowded kitchen sink and this dirty window pane
Provide the perfect frame
To watch the dirty world outside
Dead leaves and paper trash go blowing by

Emily lays all her pills on the table
So she can arrange them by color and shape
All of this medicine, all of the side effects
All of these doctors and still nothing’s changed
What if my whole life’s just like this?
Nothing gets better and everything’s motionless
What if my whole life’s just like this?
A flourescent hum that goes on and on and on and on

Emily tries to get up in the night and trips
Over a pile of work that she meant to do the week before
How many days can you keep calling in sick and hope
No one will notice and decide to drop the axe on you
Keep it a secret, nobody sees that
Your world is crumbling
All of these moments are yours alone and
Your world is crumbling
What if my whole life’s just like this?
Nothing gets better and everything’s motionless
What if my whole life’s just like this?
A flourescent hum that goes on and on and on and on

Paper Napkins

Let’s just pretend for a second / it never happened
And we’ve been together for seven years instead of only four
And all of the distance between us / like paper napkins
Folded and forgotten on the floor
All of the time since we broke up / I’ve been thinking
Trying to figure out why you left and how I let you go
I think I’m starting to get it / and it’s partly my fault
So wrote this song to try and let you know

That I’ve thought it through and I think it’s true that
I don’t hate you anymore

I’m tired of writing about you / and I’m sure you must be
Tired of hearing your name all over these bitter break-up songs
If the words I wrote hurt you / I’m truly sorry
The song remains even though the feeling’s gone
But maybe someday we’ll be famous / and you’ll be driving
Listening to the college radio station where you live
And maybe this song will be playing / I hope you like it
My catchy way of saying I’m over it

I’ve thought it through and I think it’s true that
I don’t hate you anymore

So here’s to the new competition / I hope you meant it
When you said that married life is the best time that you’ve ever had
And all of these songs that I’ve written / on paper napkins
Are finally where they belong in the trash

I’ve thought it through and I think it’s true that
I don’t hate you anymore

Chords

For some reason, myspace blogs strip the “sharp” character. So, I’ve denoted sharps using the # symbol instead.

Like a Staring Contest

This song is fairly straight-forward. There are only 6 different chord formations.

F# – 9 9 11 11 11 9

Db – 9 11 11 10 9 9

Ebm – 6 6 8 8 7 6

B – 7 9 9 8 7 7

Abm – 4 6 6 4 4 4

F#_low – 2 4 4 3 2 2

The chords usually change right on a word, so I’ve written them before the word that the chord changes on.

The pattern is simple:
Verse – F# Db Ebm B (x3 or 4)
Abm B F#_low

Chorus – Ebm B F# Db (x2)
Abm B

Here it is with the lyrics.

I’ve been (F#) going through the records, we’re not getting any better.
Maybe (Db) I’m just getting bitter, I don’t really care whatever.
I’m so (Ebm) tired of open warfare, when the point of this was to be best of (B) friends.
We’ve been (F#) going round in circles like a plane without an engine
As we (Db) spiral down the slipstream of our quickly sinking friendship.
It’s a (Ebm) trainwreck of an ending. It’s the same as if we’d never even (B) met.
And now I’m (F#) going through the motions like a drunken ballerina
who is (Db) too tired to dance but keeps on getting up to see if
any(Ebm)body stuck around to see a show that has been over now for (B) days.

And I (Abm) know that they’re gone but I (B) keep checking anyway. (F#_low)

We’ve been (F#) standing here for hours on the edges of a canyon.
I’ve got (Db) my side you’ve got yours and we’re both about to fall in.
The (Ebm) pole we hold between us is the only thing that’s keeping us (B) aloft.
And we’re (F#) standing in the hallway, both resolved to finally do this.
We (Db) each have our guns drawn but neither of us wants to shoot first.
We could (Ebm) stay like this forever. We could stay like this and never (B) leave.
But there are (F#) standards I expect our breaking up to measure up to.
When you (Db) fall in love as hard and recklessly as you and I do,
It seems (Ebm) that the final act should have the same intensity as the first (B) scene.

If I don’t (Abm) lose a couple teeth then it (B) just won’t feel real to me. (F#_low)

So we (Ebm) fall (B) onto the floor, (F#) not really sure if (Db) this
Is breaking (Ebm) bones (B) or making out, (F#) maybe a bit of (Db) both.
But I won’t (Abm) look away first. And you won’t (B) look away first.

“It’s a (F#) simple proposition,” said the rabbit to the badger,
“I am (Db) sure if we’re committed, we could dig our way to China.
Wouldn’t (Ebm) it be great to see The Wall and all those people standing on their (B) heads?”
So they (F#) each picked up a shovel, throwing dirt over their shoulders
And with (Db) every shovelful, their little hole got a bit deeper
Til they (Ebm) had to climb down in it, just to reach the bottom (B) layer.
They went (F#) on like this all night, scooping up and tossing out dirt.
In the (Db) morning they realized they weren’t getting any further.
The (Ebm) hole had grown so deep that the dirt they threw kept falling back on (B) them.
Said the (F#) badger to rabbit, “I am sure if we continue
We will (Db) pull through this on top. Perseverance is a virtue.”
So they (Ebm) scooped it and they tossed while the dirt piled up around their (B) legs.

And in a (Abm) matter of hours they (B) buried themselves in it. (F#_low)

I’ve been (F#) going through the records, we’re not getting any better.
Maybe (Db) I’ve just gotten bitter, I don’t really care whatever.
I’m so (Ebm) tired of open warfare, when the point of this was to be best of (B) friends.
We’ve been (F#) going round in circles like a plane without an engine
As we (Db) spiral down the slipstream of our quickly sinking friendship.
It’s a (Ebm) trainwreck of an ending. It’s the same as if we’d never even (B) met.
But now I’m (F#) going through the motions like a dedicated doctor
Whose (Db) patient has been broken with no chance that he’ll recover.
I keep (Ebm) shocking at the body, just trying to make the heartbeat (B) stay.

And I (Abm) know that it’s gone but I (B) keep trying anyway. (F#_low)

10 Simple Murders

10 Simple Murders is pretty easy:

(Em) My first murder was an accident I never meant to do. I had been (B) going for his wallet, wound up taking his life too. I had him (C) cornered in an alley with my gun against his face. I said, (Em) “Hand over your money and I’ll send you on your way,” but he just (B) had to play the hero and refused to coop(A)er(Em)ate.

Repeat that all the way through. The only difference is at the end of the song, when I double the Em->B and double the C->Em:

So I’m (Em) holed up in this motel and I’m loading up my guns. (B) Peering through the window, there’s a thousand cops out front. They (Em) circle me like vultures but I feel so far (B) away. (C) Everybody has to die, there is no escape. The (Em) only thing that changes is how long you have to wait. I’m (C) not gonna spend my whole life behind metal (Em) bars. So get (B) ready, I’m coming, let’s see who’s the fast(A)est (Em) draw!

That’s it except for the solo, which is kind of complicated. If I ever get around to tabbing it out, I’ll post it up online.

Downpour

I’m not entirely sure what the proper names are for these chords, so I’m gonna call them by the guitar’s root note (which is probably not the chord’s root note) and _1 _2 etc. :)

Eb_1 – x 6 8 7 x x
Bb_1 – x 1 3 2 x x
Bb_2 – 6 8 7 x x x
Bb5 – x 1 3 3 x x
F5 – 1 3 3 x x x
Ab5 – 4 6 6 x x x
G5 – 3 5 5 x x x

Intro/trumpet part/verse: Eb_1 Bb_1
(Eb_1) Cold rain shivers down my (Bb_1) coat and into my (Eb_1) unsuspecting (Bb_1) pocket. (Eb_1) Someday we will (Bb_1) all be fish (Eb_1) and swim to the (Bb_1) market.

Chorus: Eb_1 Bb_2 Eb_1 Bb_2 Eb_1 Bb_2 Eb_1 Bb5
Post-chorus: F5 Bb5 F5 Bb5 F5 Bb5 Ab5 G5
(Eb_1) It’s not yours (Bb_2) but you broke it
(Eb_1) It’s not yours (Bb_2) but you broke it
(Eb_1) It’s not yours (Bb_2) but you broke it
(Eb_1) (Bb5)
(F5) Maybe someday when the (Bb5) walls come tumbling down
(F5) we will all be fast (Bb5) asleep.
(F5) As the water crawls (Bb5) across your front lawn
(Ab5) I will laugh and (G5) feel no pity.

Never

These chords are all played up at the 9th, 7th and 6th fret positions.

Verse: F#5 Db5 B5 Db5 (x2)
Bb5 B5 Db5

Chorus: F# Db B
F# Db Bb B
F# Db Eb B
F# Db B

Bridge: (this is the only place where I drop down to the 4th and 2nd fret positions)
Db5 B5 F#5 (x3)
Ab5 B5 Db5

Like-a so…
Verse:
(F#5) Hey Carrie, do you (Db5) miss me? Do you (B5) ever think of all the (Db5) things we did?
And when you (F#5) get drunk, do you (Db5) come home and (B5) expect to find me sleeping (Db5) in your bed?
(Bb5) ‘Cause I do (B5) all the time (usually we’d go to the Db5 and then to the chorus here, but we skip that chord and go back to the verse).

Chorus:
(F#) I keep expecting a (Db) letter or something from (B) you
(F#) Saying you’re sorry and (Db) that you’ll be coming home (Bb) soon (B)
(F#) I never find it but (Db) I’ll keep on looking (Eb) I hope you find everything (B) that you’re seeking
(F#) I keep expecting a (Db) letter or something from (B) you

Bridge:
I (Db5) keep on (B5) looking for (F#5) you
Every (Db5) car that looks like (B5) yours makes my heart (F#5) stop
I (Db5) can’t stop (B5) looking for (F#5) you
I (Ab5) can’t stop thinking of (B5) you (Db5)

C is for Heartache

Okay, this one is a little more complicated. I don’t know how to describe some of the stuff I’m doing, so I’ll try to tab it out.

Riff 1:
(each of these chords is strummed a lot…12 times i think)
e—x—-x—-x—
b—x—-x—-x—
g—9—-9—-9—
d—9—-9—-9—
a—7—-x—-x—
e—x—-7—-9—

Riff 2:
(like riff 1, but it repeats the 2nd chord)
e—x—-x—-x—-x—
b—x—-x—-x—-x—
g—9—-9—-9—-9—
d—9—-9—-9—-9—
a—7—-x—-x—-x—
e—x—-7—-9—-7—

Riff 3:
(same strum pattern as the 1st two riffs)
e—x—-x—-x—-x—
b—9—-9—-9—-9—
g—x—-x—-x—-x—
d—9—-9—-9—-9—
a—7—-x—-x—-x—
e—x—-7—-9—-7—

Riff 4:
(slightly different strum pattern, but I don’t know how to describe it :) )
e—x–x—-x–x—-x–x—-
b—9–10—9–10—9–10—
g—x–x—-x–x—-x–x—-
d—9–9—-9–9—-9–9—-
a—7–7—-x–x—-x–x—-
e—x——-7–7—-9–9—-

(There’s also a rising guitar part during Riffs 3 and 4, but we only did it once in the studio and I can’t remember for the life of me what I played. If anyone can figure it out and tab it for me, I would be super grateful!)

Verses:
Dear ex-(E5)beautiful, I’m (B5) writing you this note (A5) just to let you know
(F#5) things are still (A5) going fine here at (E5_low) home.
(F#5) Keeping the plants watered (A5) tucking in our daughter
(E5) every (B5) night. (D5) She looks more (A5) like you all the time.
(riff 1)
(A5) Oh by the way your mom says hi.
(E5_low) (B5) (Db5)
(E5_low) (B5) (Db5)

Bridge:
(A5) It’s not like (F#5) I’ve been out (E5_low) looking for (Db5) anyone else.
(A5) I want you (F#5) to come back (E5_low) now.
(A5) I need you (F#5) to come back (E5_low) and fix the (Db5) home that you wrecked.
(A5) I want you (F#5) to come back (E5_low) now.

The end part:
(E5) you and (B5) me, (D5) we were the (A5) best I’d ever seen.
(riff 1)
(A5) And now it’s all I can do to breathe
(riff 2)
But I breathe
(riff 2)
(riff 3)
(riff 4)
(A5) (A5) (A5) (A5) (E5_low)

Paper Napkins

(starts with an F chord a bunch of times)
Verse:
(F5)Let’s just pretend for a (C5)second / it (Bb5)never (C5)happened
And (F5)we’ve been together for (C5)seven years in(D5)stead of only four(Bb5)
And (F5)all of the distance be(C5)tween us / like (Bb5)paper (C5)napkins
(Bb5)Folded and for(C5)gotten on the (F)floor
Chorus:
That I’ve (Bb5)thought it (C5)through and I (Bb5)think it’s (C5)true that I
(Bb5)I don’t (C5)hate you anymore
The horn solo is over this progression: F C Dm Bb, holding out the Bb for an extra bar or two before the verse starts again.

That’s pretty much the whole thing.

The Future Kings of Nowhere

Lyrics

Demo (solo)

Hibernating

Bastard Theme

Let’s Be Pirates!

Wicked

On Very Nearly Turning Thirty

My Turn

Charles Grodin, You’re My Hero

Self-Titled

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

10 Simple Murders

Never

Downpour

I Want You

I’m Still Waiting

Song for Catherine

What You Don’t Know Might Kill Me

Like a Staring Contest

C is for Heartache

Visiting Hours

Emily

Paper Napkins

Chords

Like a Staring Contest

10 Simple Murders

Downpour

Never

C is for Heartache

Paper Napkins